Guest Blog by Randi Moxi
*Each picture is linked
FALL
Falling metaphorically or literally is just a failure in alignment or execution, and sometimes God just throws you against a wall. The best of us has losses and falls all over the map of our unique journeys. The greatest thing about every fall is the rise.
A Bit About Me
Hi. I’m Randi, and sufficeth it to say I’ve been misdiagnosed with every autoimmune condition known to man, and when a neurologist tried to manifest that I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 35 and no longer alive due to kidney failure by the time I was 40. That was a bit rough.
So, when I started my 40th year in 2019, I thought I had crossed the finish line proving all the forecasts entirely incorrect. The victory was at hand. I made it.
For the next four years, I fell 5-20 Times daily.—thousands of falls, from the top of everything I set out to do to a woman that could barely walk or get out of bed. Out of all the many appointments supposedly intent on healing whatever ailed my system at the time, NOT ONE ever mentioned PTSD—until we rescued Pearl.
LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
We had just lost our rescued pittie pup, Lady Bug, a horrible abuse case we tried to save, but it was too late. Another dog tossed away like our Bug; this pitbull had also been abused and was dumped in a field with full swollen mammary glands. The dog was angry at the world and terrified of everything. The woman who saved her asked me for insight and sent a photo.
I said to name the dog Pearl. They needed to know how Pearl was with men, so I asked my husband if he would be willing to help, and he kindly agreed. When all of this was happening, I did not want another dog. I still took a photo of the moment Pearl told my husband he was her person. I did not say a word. I set an intention that if he felt it, it was meant to be.
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
In early December, the rescue I really wanted for her went to see her and sent me a photo. I was in the city on Queen service duty and sent it to my elated husband. “She’s getting out. A Christmas Miracle for Pearl.” He responded, “We need to talk.”
VOWS
When my husband married me, he took his vows seriously. He came along on every adventure and was my only friend when I was abandoned in my injured era. He’s welcomed any life I wanted to save, event, project, client, speech, or job I’ve ever wanted to take with full support. The girl who’s been training dogs her whole life and grew up in an animal shelter knew that rehabilitation for this adult pure blue pitbull would be challenging.
So, on Christmas Eve, in a shutdown Covid world, Pearl reunited with him and cuddled him in the backseat the whole way home on her freedom ride. We vowed she was ours, no matter what that meant. Training this girl was tough. Our Disney cartoon life was a little shaken, and he felt guilty, and I felt like a failure, and of course, neither would admit it.
PTSD HEALING - BECAUSE OF A PIT BULL
And that’s when the light came. I work with a fantastic friend, counselor, and animal communicator named Sam. I spoke openly with Sam and shared how devastated I was that I couldn’t reach Pearl. We did everything we knew how to do, but Pearl was not coming along.
This left me with feelings of failure and second-guessing. It even made me not like Pearl sometimes. Though, I loved her with my whole soul. Sam said, “Well, Randi, she’s you as a dog.” That pulled me up short. What? I thought. Sam continued, “So, get to work! Work on what you don’t like about yourself, which will surely be all things from your PTSD.” I thought this was frightening; she continued, “Heal that, and it will heal hers too”!
At 41 years old, this was the first time a counselor or professional ever said that to me. “Heal you, and it will heal her.” So, I read up on it and studied what I could about PTSD and my feelings, and my experiences:
Growing up in an animal shelter as an empath wanting to save them all.
I started my new life at 18 in college on a scholarship,
I was destined to be a performer, but then my body betrayed me.
I woke up one day thinking I had a heart attack. My blood pressure was in the stroke zone; no one could tell me why.
But if my brain might quit, how can I be a contributing member of any ensemble?
Wow.
As I lay in bed, consuming more and more about PTSD and all the things that came along with this diagnosis—OCD, taking things personally, thinking you aren’t good enough, and ADHD. I suddenly stopped. I realized that this was true for me. This was the only diagnosis of my life I was entirely on board with and ready to heal, heal, heal from.
While I was researching and healing, Pearl was next to me, listening to me make phone calls to "friends," some of who never picked up and the ones who did. She never left my side. She stayed and allowed me to find peace. She was healing too. As I healed, she healed.
COACH YOURSELF, COACH,
During all of this, I decided to get better for myself. I trained myself to have a routine and set my mind on the future; even if it was just to think about the possibility of tomorrow, I chose to get better for myself. That led me to get better for others: my husband, Pearl, and her four other fur brothers and sisters.
Anyone asking for coaching help gets the same response: You got it. So readers, do you have a coach? What are they helping you with? Here are three questions I would love to help you answer. You have a week to email me your answers to the following questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What do you want?
3. How are you going to get it?
PTSD ME?
Well, knowing I had PTSD and having to determine which version of me was ever answering these questions for me, I went back to the broken little girl and teenager who loved to write and create and talk to her friends, who were primarily animals and wanted to save them all. So, I pulled Pearl into my lap and held teenage me's hand, and said to them:
“Thank you for your strength and for getting us through some complicated things. I’m so grateful, and I love you so much. We are all grown up now, girls; we have a wonderful husband and five rescues Pitties, and our Pearl is just like you guys. Scared of the world and wants to be a good girl, heal and make her mark. So come into this version and help me help her. How do we start?”
My 8-year-old PTSD said, “Let’s write a book and make her the star.”
PEARLS
So, I did. A Pittie Pool Party is Pearl's rise.
For this victory, it took a village of PTSD pearls within me and a side of pittie positivity, a rescue who was given my grandmother’s birthday. It just so happens that the beautiful woman who ran an animal shelter's birthstone is the only gem material formed within a living creature—a Pearl. Unlike diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and more, pearls require no cutting or polishing before use and are simply perfect in how they naturally form.
So my Pearl, a Pitbull, a perfectly natural gem, has been a massive step to my healing. We all need to find someone who can lead us to our healing; she did for me.
Here is a little insight into the book:
Becca has to tell her newly rescued puppy, Sister, some hard truths about how people view her breed. But her friends save the day by showing love to them both extraordinarily!
This beautiful story starring a rescued pit bull-type dog and the girl that saved her brings incredible lessons and blessings to families and classrooms. It’s great for all ages and the perfect gift for those who want to share the power of friendship, nonjudgment, acceptance, and animal rescue.
The Pittie Pool Party encourages the gift of sharing emotions with friends and family, laying a healthy groundwork for communication and accepting vulnerability. It also establishes an understanding of how judging any person or creature before knowing them as an individual can cause harm to them and us. This book embodies the incredible power of friendship, inclusivity, acceptance, and rescuing animals.
So, for everyone out there, you can overcome PTSD. You can heal. Remember that you are a pearl, a perfectly formed gem, so roll forward and remember even the best of us have failures over the map of our unique journeys. The greatest thing about every fall is the rise. Rise like my Pearl, and you, too, can heal.
Please join April and Randi on the Beacon of Light Podcast Tuesday, June 27, 2023, at 6:30 pm MDT to learn more about The Pittie Pool Party.
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